A Creed to Live by!

"Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with other.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them life is meaningless.
Don't let your life slip through your fingers.
by living in the past, or for the future,
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect,
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your dreams
To be without dreams is to be without hope;
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only
where you've been but also where you're going.
Life is not a race,
but a journey to be savored
each step
of the way."

I think this is an awesome creed. I hope you all are doing great and know the Keene's in Tennessee are great!

Good Morning!

Good Morning world! What a wonderful day. If your wondering why, there is no reason in particular. I'm just enjoying and loving life. I woke up to the sounds of Claire walking across the house and her climbing in bed with me for some snuggles. I couldn't think of a better way to start any day!

I just want to say every day is such a precious gift. It is what you make of it, so make it a glorious day! New Year resolutions are going well so far. I have something much stronger on my side this year. I am going to try and do better with my blog. Yes, yes I know I say that often but I am really going to try.

Motto for this week and well the rest of the year: Find optimism in the darkest of places.

Have a wonderful week everyone!

2011 How I like thee or Don't.

2011, How do I remember you? I remember you starting out great, many trials in the middle, and you ending fantastically! Our family went through a trial that lasted for what seemed like most of the year but honestly it may have lasted 2 days if you think of it in universe terms.

The end of the year brought many changes for our family. Mike got a new job in Tennessee, we moved and we have truly found our fit. We have truly been blessed. I have never fealt God move through our house or our souls like he has the past few months.

Let me back up for a minute. Mike nor myself have gone to church as a family. Mike had a lot of resentment from his childhood and my excuse is not great either. Well when we first decided to take the move to Jackson I began looking for preschool's for Claire. I sent several emails and the first response I received was overwhelming. The director was incredibly nice and helpful. I received others but my heart pulled me back to the first response and this lady. Wow what a nice LADY! I continued to have contact with her until we were settled in our new home. There was a little boy who was transferring with his family to a new home in North Carloina so that left a slot for Claire, right when we needed it! The first day of school for her, she walked right in, no reservations (unlike the daily struggle at her old school). Her teacher, the greeters, the staff were truly amazing! Claire was so very happy every day. I remember picking her up one day and once we were in the car I sat and cried. Not sad tears but tears of pure happiness. I had been so worried about her and moving her. I prayed and I prayed.

The preschool director told me about a pancake breakfast for the preschoolers and their parents so they could meet one another. I bought our family a ticket and informed Mike we were going to attend and told him how I fealt like we needed to go, something...something was pulling me. We went to the pancake breakfast the following Saturday. Another young couple took seat next to us at the table. THey had a little red-headed boy. We talked. The husband had the same job title as Mike and the wife is a counselor. They invited us to come to church the next day and Sunday School. Mike and I talked about it and we decided to go. Wow what an awesome decision! We have been every Sunday since with the exception of Christmas day. I have enjoyed it tremendously!

So to 2011, thank you for being you. For bringing us through the trials and to God. I find myself smiling and loving life even more. I breath instead of fussing. I love more. I have even ordered myself a Study Bible. So thank you God and West Jackson Baptist Church. What an awesome thing.

2012, you have big shoes to fill, but I KNOW you will be awesome. I know this because I have never been better. I am a strong woman, mother, wife, daughter and friend. I have plenty I need to work on within myself. So 2012 here's to us. I promise to work on me. The inside mostly. I also promise to know my God better. I will continue to be all the things I already am but I will make it better. And like our interim preacher said "It's ok to pray for yourself. Don't just pray for everyone else. It's in our Bible. It is ok." God's word, our Bible. :)

Soul Searching.

This past week our lives have changed. It was hectic. Tantrums. Crying. Loneliness. Wonderment. Abandonment. Crying. Soul searching. Fear. Questioning.....

Our little girl started preschool. Her first day was Monday August 15th, 2011. But first let me back up.

A few weeks ago we went to visit Mike's parents, Grandpa Wayne and Grandma Sandi. We needed to do it before school started but we really needed to do it for Mike's peace of mind. There was a tragedy in the Keene family and they lost a very important person in their life. Mike wanted to make sure his dad was in fact ok. We went down to Pensacola and had a fantastic few days checking out their new place, visiting museums, and watching stunning sunsets every evening from their back deck looking over the Bay. Claire absolutely loved it all. She had said on several occasions "I need to visit Grandpa, He needs to see me.". While we were there I started getting a tooth ache. At first it was nothing but a nuisance, not real painful. By Sunday afternoon, the day we were headed home, it became pretty painful. That night I couldn't sleep. I have never had a more painful pain ever. Childbirth was a piece of cake compared to this pain. I got up Monday (well I can't say got up because I never slept) and made the dreaded call to a local dentist. I have an extreme fear of dentist. More than any normal person. I won't go into details but trust me. I woke Mike up and told him I had made an appt. He knew I was serious. I cried. It hurt. I cussed it. I prayed for some of the pain to at least ease. It was finally time for my appt and I was nervous but relieved that I may get some relief. I got the dreaded news, 'You need either a root canal or it needs to be extracted. The infection is deep.'. Well we all know that dental insurance really rather sucks. They don't like to pay for things, they will however pay for prevention. Mike had told me that if those were my options the root canal would probably be my best bet and well the dentist said the same thing. 2 prescriptions later and an appt set for my root canal I left the office. Once again I did not sleep that night or the next one. The pain pills didn't even touch the pain so i sat with a cold compress day and night on the side of my face. Finally Wednesday I had some relief. By Thursday night I noticed that I was having an allergic reaction to the antibiotic they had given me. GREAT! Call the dentist the next morning and he said "Stop taking that.". I made it through the weekend and Monday morning I had my root canal. The dentist did a fantastic job even though after my face woke up it felt like my jaw had been broken. Ok so I had new pain pills and guess what...I was allergic to them. Well fantastic. Anyway lets just say for a solid week it was Hell at this household. Poor Mike was having to do my job and his.

Now to Mike's situation. Ever since we have been back from Florida he has worked. Not one single day off. None. He works 12-14 hours and if you do the math that only leaves so many hours of the day. And most of the remaining has been spent on sleeping, eating lunch, getting a shower and then off to work again. He hasn't had a day to spend with Claire. He even missed the first PTO meeting that he so wanted to attend because someone didn't make it to work. Well after 12 days of working straight (Saturday the 13th) Claire finally had a meltdown of all meltdowns. She misses her daddy. She just wants him to come home. She would do anything for just 1 day with him.

Now we are back to Monday the 15th. She was so excited for school, back pack on her back, new Dora shoes on her feet she was ready to go. We arrived and she stuck to my leg. I finally got her to sit and color. I told her I would be back in a while to get her and to have a good day and I turned and left. Once in my car I began to tear up. Is she old enough? Is she ready? Am I ready? I kept coming back to the answer YES. She needs the social interaction. She needs structure. She needs to be more independent. When I showed back up to get her she was so happy to see me. She hugged me like she never has before. SHe was steady telling me about her day and how she missed me, missed me and hadn't wanted me to leave. I explained to her that Mama would always be there for her and I would always be there to pick her up. She told me she got in trouble on the play ground for taking her shoes off. I then told her that she has to keep her shoes on at all times at school.

Tuesday she was home with me. She goes M,W, and F. I enjoyed her home with me but noticed she was acting out more. Wanting attention, doing things she knows not to do. I thought Ok maybe it's school and maybe she is learning stuff from others. Then I thought she is just trying to get a handle on what was going on around her. I asked her if she wanted to go to school on Wednesday and she said yes. So Wednesday morning we got up and she went to school. I was greeted at the door by her teacher telling me there was a mishap on the playground. Apparently 2 boys were fighting. Claire stepped in and wanted them to stop. One of the boys shoved her and well she laid him out. She got in trouble and the 2 boys got in trouble too. Her only fault was wanting them to stop fighting. I told her next time she sees something like this to go find a teacher. She told me she would because she didn't want a time out again. That night she cried and told me she missed her daddy. She had been rather quiet and sort of reserved but still acting out. On Thursday we played and we swam and I did everything I could do to make her happy. Then bath time came around. She had meltdown of all meltdowns again. Two in less than a week. This is unlike her. She then told me she missed her daddy.

Finally it hit me. It isn't school that's making her act out, mouthy and all around unlike herself, it was the no time with her dad. She loves her daddy. She misses her daddy. She only wants one day a week with her daddy. She isn't asking for much. She is only 3 once in her life and she needs him. She was even coming up with ideas to make him come home...."Mama if we order pizza Daddy will have to come home to eat." I sat and thought about it. I wondered if Mike working so much and her going to school was too much for her. If her little brain could handle it all.

I got her up this morning for school and she seemed sad. I asked her if she wanted to go to school. She said yes. I then asked "What do we do if we see a fight?" "Go to the teacher. I don't want a time out." "Good girl." I took her to school. She was very quiet. She didn't want me to leave. She then went and sat alone and played with animals. I became sad. She is too young to be so sad. I left and I cried and cried and cried. I asked myself again "Is she old enough? Is she ready for school? What is best for her not me?" I still came back to the answer "Yes". But what she really needs is Daddy time. That is what is missing. So we are going to fix that sooner than later. She is the most important thing in our life. She comes first. I will give up anything that I have for her to not be sad. I can't be daddy for her even though I try. Only one person can be daddy. I feel so bad for him because it's such a huge stress. I mean having to work, being dog tired and knowing that his little girl is so sad. What a burden. Hopefully it will be worked out soon. Until then thanks for reading my depressing post. :)

P. S. During all this I had someone I thought would be above all name calling and ugly decide to in fact be ugly. She called me some nasty things that really really bothered me. It's ok though, the way I look at it she did me a favor and I will continue to pray because I am above that.

Boy oh Boy

It's been a while since I have last posted. Maybe because I had nothing to post or maybe I just didn't have time with my busy busy life. If I were you I would opt for the first one. :D We have done our normal, day to day thing. We had weeks upon weeks where we had zero rain. The grass was straight up crawling to the nearest watering whole to find a drop, morsel of water. The wasp and every other insect (that is on steroids, I swear I have never seen them so BIG) would stay around the very tiny pool we had for Claire outside. I dreaded the outdoors. So HOT. Claire on the other hand, red faced and all, loved it. I kept after Mike to get us a pool, one we could ALL fit in. But him being a man and him being a Keene (haha I added that one) wouldn't entertain my idea. Finally though on Father's Day (and after I had one over on him) he agreed to look at them. I didn't want much, just something I could sit in and cool off and play with Claire in. I kept trying to tell him how cheap they were and that "yes we could afford it". Plus we still had Claire's birthday money from Grandma Sandi and Grandpa Wayne (aka Heehaw, thanks Emily). We decided on an Intex metal frame pool that is 12x30.

That we could sit and go under (easy for me, not so for Mike) and Claire can stand up and it's way over her head. We got it home set it up and started to fill it. Mike thought "this isn't going to be easy. This is going to be a lot of work" but has come to realize "Hey I really like this thing and hey it's really not that hard.". He rather enjoys taking care of it, which it is NOT hard to do. The only downside is it has RAINED everyday almost since we bought it. There has been 2 days I have been able to get in and 1 day for Mike. Now it's beautiful out again and is suppose to be steaming hot this weekend. Guess where we will be this weekend? Come on, Guess. That's right, our back yard. Woohoo! May even shoot off a firework or two on Monday. Just wanted to say God Bless you all and Have a Wonderful 4th.

PS I may have something to write about after the weekend. :)
PSS The pic with me in it...Thats Mike's home made chlorine dispenser, he was too cheap to buy one from the store. HAHA (Zaxby's cup and 2 liter Diet Coke bottle)

Claire Turned 3

So this past weekend my baby girl turned 3. We had one awesome weekend! We did a lot of driving but it was all worth it. Claire when asked said "I have had the best weekend. My birthday was good!" and frankly that is all that matters. She was so happy to spend the night on a boat, feed the sea gulls, walk on the pier, swim in the ocean, play in the sand, eat some cookie cake, see all her people's, ride in a wagon behind a very cute little boy, see crabs, get lots of new toys and just be 3. The weekend was all about her and she knew it! I think everyone had a good time that was involved. I want to think Pops, Gramma, Aunt Shenca, Uncle Brad, Grandpa and Grandma Sandi for being part of her special weekend. You can all rest soundly knowing that you made a little girl very happy! Love you all!

Life Lessons

You ever do a pro and con list thinking there would most certainly be more pro's than con's? Then you sit down and write your list, look at it when your done and realize that there are far more con's than pro's? So what's the hold up? That dang straight line is quickly turning into a fork!

I've recently made some mental notes. Do you ever do that? Anyway, I have made some wonderful revelations about how I should finally deal with people and situations. I've made some good notes and some not so good notes. Ignorance is NOT bliss because once you are no longer (if you ever get that lucky) ignorant you are hit right between the eyes. Then the things you have been ignorant about turn out to be big ole pain in the butt.

I've watched couples and families over the past couple of years and one thing I have learned is there are more secrets, more denial, more ignorance and lies than I care to even know. Some think that their life is great and love to rub it in your face when the actual reality is grim. Money does NOT buy happiness I don't care who you are! Things are nice, yes. No worry about how a bill will get paid is nice, yes. Being able to splurge is nice, yes. But do those things fill your heart with happiness and joy, no. I've watched people walk around with entitlement and know how. They seem pretty miserable to me, so I don't know who they are fooling, maybe themselves. One thing I do know is that I don't want to live like that. If that means I live in a one room shack, have to kill my own dinner, or plow my own fields then so be it. I am happy and content with my life. I don't need all the bells and whistles. I don't need the newer home, with the fancy car or the newest technology. I have lived without cable or a land line for YEARS. I don't need to catch the latest movie or try the newer restaurant to have fulfillment. I don't need that best friend to gab all my secrets to, because I live with my best friend. I can trust him with anything and know he won't judge me. He loves me for me. We have no secrets. We some times butt heads but we work through it. I don't want to be with anyone else. I have never thought about being with someone else.

Another life lesson is people will never change. They shouldn't have to change. I am not changing so why should they. What I have to do is lower my expectations of them. I can control how others will effect me not them. If my expectations are lower then my level of hurt decreases dramatically.
I'm often reminded of Newton's 3rd Law of Motion

:: Action and reaction are equal and opposite
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
::

This means to me this: If you are going to be you then I will be me. If you think what you do is right and the things you say are right then you should know that I have every right to react in an opposite manner. There is a difference in being yourself and saying what's on your mind and being flat out obnoxious, rude and hurtful. Everyone has a bad day, every one. But to take your bad day out on the next person doesn't make it ok just simply because you can ask forgiveness from God and God alone. You most certainly can say what you want and treat people how you feel is right at the time. But you also need to realize that other people may not think the way you think and may not like the things you say and may just decide you aren't who they thought you were and walk away. That's totally ok because 'if they don't like who I am then they can shove it." right? Depends on who you ask. Means something different to every one because we are all different.

I have also noticed that jealousy can cause people to act immaturely. I mean really, why is your jealousy my problem? It's not so don't take it out on me! That is your problem and yours alone. If it's your insecurity then you deal with it, don't bring it to my door on your drama llama. Remember the 10th Commandment and repeat it over and over in your head if you need to. It's amazing how people are jealous of material things or how they perceive someone else's life. Quit worrying about what others are doing in their home and tend to your own home. Make yourself happy in the process, cause I know I am from now on. Frankly I am done worrying about why someone behaves the way they do or the reasons why, because the only one in charge of my life is me. Each person is in charge of their own life and their own happiness.

This all leads me back to my pro's and con's. I am coming to a fork and will soon enough have to choose a path that makes ME happy along with my family of course. But it is ours and ours alone to decide. So if you are contemplating on asking us 'what decision or decisions or what does this mean?' please revert back to the above paragraph and tend to your own household, because you will not get the answer or answers you are looking for. K thanks.